On April 5th, 2019, we received the dreaded phone call we had feared for the past 10 years…
“He’s Gone!”
We will never forget the surreal feeling of disbelief and excruciating pain that engulfed us at that moment. Our beloved son, Marcus, had passed away from a drug overdose at the age of 33.
How could this be? Marcus had been clean and sober for the past 4½ years. He was thriving at work, being given more responsibility as a productive member of the property management company he worked for. He regularly attended 12-step meetings and surrounded himself with a sober network of friends. Committed to service in the recovery community, he shared his testimony with countless recovery centers and at-risk youth, mentoring and sponsoring other young men. We were so proud of his accomplishments in overcoming substance use disorder (SUD).
Understanding Substance Use Disorder
This is an insidious chronic brain disease with a powerful effect on those who suffer from SUD. Science tells us that SUD has genetic, biological, and environmental roots, yet society often views it as a character flaw or moral failing. This stigma is as misguided as judging those with diabetes, heart disease, or cancer.
Marcus was a compassionate, loving young man with a great sense of humor and an infectious smile. He excelled in sports, especially baseball, basketball, and golf, which allowed us to bond over shared passions. I can still picture him in our driveway, imagining he was Michael Jordan, dribbling past defenders for that sweet jump shot.
The Descent into Addiction
During his high school years, Marcus experimented with alcohol and likely marijuana, but his substance use escalated in college with smoking pot, drinking, and trying other substances. His junior and senior years were turbulent, though he hid it well. Shortly after college, while playing in a men’s basketball league, Marcus tore his ACL. We believe this injury marked the start of his opioid addiction.For the next 4-5 years, Marcus struggled to maintain employment while we desperately searched for a cure, scouring the internet and feeling alone, ashamed, and guilty. We isolated from friends and family, thinking we had failed as parents. Marcus attended outpatient and residential rehabs in Florida, North Carolina, and Connecticut, but the lack of oversight and regulation led to empty promises, disappointment, and financial hardship. The degrading tasks at some facilities further damaged his self-esteem and dignity, causing him to say, “I went to Florida to get better, and I came out 10 times worse.”
The Road to Recovery
After his last rehab in Connecticut, with the help of a wonderful addiction counselor, we provided aftercare treatment at home with family support. Over the next 4½ years, we got our beautiful son back – the best version of himself. Our broken family was repaired, loving, and stronger than ever. Marcus worked hard on his recovery, receiving addiction counseling and medication-assisted treatment (MAT) to curb the effects of opiates. He followed his counselor’s advice and adhered to the boundaries we established for him to live at home.
The Role of Stigma
We constantly hear that relapse is a part of recovery, but that’s not what took Marcus from us. It was the guilt and shame he felt, not wanting to let his family, friends, or co-workers down. Even those with this disease need education to reverse the stigma associated with SUD. As U.S. Surgeon General Jerome Adams said, “I think the biggest killer out there is stigma. Stigma keeps people in the shadows. Stigma keeps people from coming forward and asking for help. Stigma keeps families from admitting there is a problem.”
If addressing stigma can close the gap in diagnosis, treatment, and recovery rates between SUD/OUD and other chronic diseases, the impact would be immense, both in lives saved and reduced costs to society.
A Call to Action
While national efforts address the role of stigma in perpetuating the epidemic, critical change starts in our local communities. Whether people in recovery, families, faith-based organizations, business associations, employer groups, schools, universities, or others, we can tailor messages, educate, facilitate dialogue, provide peer support, and mobilize action to enact change. We can play a pivotal role when someone is most susceptible to stigma or developing SUD.
Think about how we perceive this disease, how we talk about it, and the stigma we attach to those affected. Stigma extinguishes the very hope and self-respect that anyone battling the disease so desperately needs and deserves.
For those with a loved one struggling with addiction, does stigma cause you to be ashamed to tell others? And if so, how does that make your loved one feel? For those not directly affected, does stigma cause you to think, “This could never happen to my child; I’m too good a parent”? Just as substances distort the thinking of those with addictions, is stigma distorting yours?
We all play a role in this public health crisis. We need to educate our friends, family, and neighbors that SUD is a chronic disease that can be effectively treated. I have hope because I believe we are on the crest of a wave of change in how we as a country view, think about, and treat those with SUD.
We have a great panel of experts and organizations committed to educating us tonight. Still, it’s incumbent upon us all to share what we learn with those who might still be suffering in silence. Let’s not lose one more young life!
Thank you.
Mission for Marcus 